I've missed Los Angeles, with all it's busy and obviously crazy rhythm, with the evil and screwed up being, it's home. Of course, now it's just tainted in blood and that's something no one wants on their walls, but we have to take what there is, no? Sadly, this has to be the 'that' that there is.

Magic. It's tricky and however the people would like, there is no good magic or bad magic, there's just magic, the good and bad is at how you use it, a great example with a chain reaction has passed. I doubt anyone missed it. Doubt you can when there's death coming in and saying 'hello' before killing half of the people you know and bruising the rest.

Doing a spell that gets killed young, innocent girls? Must feel real good, no? Well, obviously, not, still, I can't blame... Oh, hell with it, I can blame, and not only can I, I will too! You use magic if you know with what you're dealing. How you're dealing. Emotions. It's what fails you. It's how it is. Pity no one ever takes a notice. And now we have a twisted path of blood. How neat.

When your friends die? You cry. You feel sad. You mourn. And I did. On my way to deal with half other things. It's not easy to grieve while you have to go all way over the country to tell someone their daughter is dead. And you know what's the saddest in all that? I think I grieved more than Eliza's parents did. Isn't that fucked?

I thought it would help. Me leaving. I thought it would do good to tell people in the eyes that they kid is dead instead of telling it through phone, I find it impersonal and that's just wrong. I should have known better. Not only all this 'lets leave for a bit' turned in disaster on my part as I ended up yelling at Eliza's parents when they told me 'they had expected' her to die, but it didn't go all that nice and peachy over here either, did it now?

One can actually feel the power when entering the city. It's everywhere. Power and magic. And how really twisted everything is. But that might be just me, not everyone. Still, the power is just... I'm not even sure how to describe it, there just is so much of it. I wonder what's the source of that. My bet isn't on fluffy Easter bunny.

I probably would have been back sooner but I had to get rid of Amber first. Yes, that sounds cruel, but I don't think it would have been the right thing to take her back to Los Angeles when half of the people she loved is dead and the other half broken. God knows what' going on with Connor. I doubt a three years old could have dealt. So I dropped her off to my mother. In Europe. Far enough from here, because here isn't very stable. At least for now.

My cell phone is full with messages from Wolfram and Hart. Seems that people are quitting and just plain not coming back to work, and really, since when is that my problem? I'm the head of one department not the whole firm. But of course, I guess I do fall in the category of people who are plain not coming back to work. But I am now, why are they complaining?

Work sweet work. Do you know many people that would first head to their work after long trip instead of going home? But then again... know many people who work for Wolfram and Hart?

Besides, I have to see what in hell has been going on, no? And where to find a better place than Wolfram and Hart that knows about everything that's been up?

I'm pretty sure I promised myself to never drink again last time I got drunk. Where is that promise now when I'm hangover? I could really use it right about now. Booze is evil. My head hurts. And I really need coffee. Like now. And coffee shall I get then.

"Look like shit, Mel!" Ow! Does he talk this loud on purpose? I he does! Connor's evil! I mean, both his parents are vampires or ex-vampires or whatever the hell, he probably has got some of their evilness. Is evilness a word? To early and too painful for me to think.

"Coffee. Need coffee." I mutter to myself picking up the coffee can. Ooh! Look! There's actually some coffee! Tastes like shit, though, so it's probably Connor's made, but still, coffee is coffee. Coffee is good when you're hangover. Coffee is good. Period.

"So, why did you get Lily drunk?" Connor asks me watching me with that stupid amusement in his eyes. Right! Make fun of the poor girl in pain! Why don't you? Bastard. And what does he mean by me getting Lily drunk?

"I did not get her drunk! I didn't even get to talk with her till the moment we with Max were leaving." Oh, damn! Max! I had nearly forgot about that. I need to call mom. And yell at her. And then beg her to take him back home. Even though I can already hear her telling me to suck it up and leave her alone. No love there!

"Uh huh." Does he sound amused by all this? He does! I would so kick his ass if my brain wouldn't feel frozen at the moment! "By the way, I didn't even know you have siblings." Yeah, well. That's probably for a reason, don't you think?

"That's because Max ain't a sibling. He's a pain in my ass." Stupid mothers who marries other men that has evil, spoiled brats for sons. Or was that my mom that spoiled Max? I wouldn't know. I wouldn't care.

"Right." I swear I will kick him! "So don't you have work to be at?"

"Do you want to be hexed, Connor?" Because I so can hex him! Oh, cute. Now he's laughing at me. "Just a wave Connor and you gonna wake up being a girl!" Ha! That shuts him up! "I'm going back to sleep. Eliza should come over later to watch Amber." I wonder if Eliza's hangover too. Probably not. Just so I can suffer alone. Though, Lily's probably hangover...

"You're a little, evil thing, Ambs." She is. That thing she pulled at Angel's? With me being the world's worst person? Total farce. She just likes being nice to people she believes deserve it the most. Like Angel at the moment. Because, oh so sad, everyone's blaming him for what has happened with Connor and that's sucha depressing thought that he just has to brood all day and my poor little baby girl is the only person to bring the joy. Amber's a drama queen. And she has not got that from me.

"Yeah, I am." She grins and nods. Ok, so there is a lot of stuff she does actually take after me in. Just she's even better at it. Like making people do whatever she wants. It's just how Amber is. She loves that she can manipulate people, even if she doesn't even know she does it. One day Ambs'll make a great politician.

I refuse to even comment to that. People seem to find it fun lately to annoy me. Like the pink Amber's wearing. On purpose. And yes, a three years old can wear pink just to annoy her mother. At least Amber can. She's too smart for her own good. Or is that my good? I should just send her away. Though, she would probably come back like a cat. Cats come back when you throw them out and drove all the way over the country. Not that my kid is a cat.

There's a message from Lily on my cell phone. She's out for a party at some bar and says I could go too if I want to. Maybe I do want to. Party and getting drunk sounds somewhat real nice. I wonder if Connor's home so he can babysit Amber. Or I could always ask Angel, it's not like any of them would be mind babysitting each other anyway. Hmm, maybe I could just wrap Amber and give her as present to Angel... Nah. Why in hell would I give Angel a present?

"Connor? You're home?" I hope he is. I want to go out. My body could use a party, I have been working ever since the wedding and being 23 years old should contain more than just work. Dancing and drinking could be the start. More sex would be nice too.

"Yeah, I'm here." Oh, the boy looks tired. Who could blame him, really? "You're not planning on hexing me or something, right?" Sucha smart boy this one is, probably has it from his mother, because, ya know, does not have it from Angel...

"Not now. Later." Connor actually looks relieved. And he should. I can hex very well, thank you. "I want to go to that party thing Lily's at and you're here to watch Amber. This time really watch her not drop her somewhere." He only shrugs and walks back in the kitchen. I fallow. What? I want to know how did the 'meeting the parents' go. "So?"

"So what?" Oh, come on, Connor! You're not that slow! "Oh, right. It was just fine. I don't want to talk about it." I roll my eyes, just can't help it. The boy is sucha damn drama queen. But ok, I won't ask now, just because I think I will be more willing to listen to all his overreacted shits when I'm drunk. Or hangover. That's the plan then.

"Ok, don't talk. I'm leaving. Get Amber some dinner. And no pizza!" Last time he did feed her pizza. And coke. Coke as in coca-cola. Not as in cocaine. English language is very disturbing. "Leaving now." I call before picking up my car keys and walking out of the house. Party. Sounds so nice.

It's not hard to find the bar after I call Lily and ask the directions. It's not a big nightclub kind of bar, but it's still neat. Has some music and I can see the bar as I walk in. Very good. Just there're too many teenagers here.

"Martini." Why not to start the evening now? Besides, I love how they don't ask my ID anymore. Ahh, I wonder how much I need to drink to forget some of the languages I have in my head...

"Did you hear a word of what I just said?" I ask looking at Connor; he's all cozy on the couch watching some weird movie on TV. You know, for someone who's supposed to be all crazy or messed up or what the fuck ever, he's way too calm.

"Get dressed. Wear something normal. Eat. Take Ambs to the Hyperion hotel so Eliza can forget to look after her. Go and do something good. Go to the college later." He repeats not even looking up at me. Brat.

"Right. Whatever. I don't have time for this." I am not his mother. Either of them. I have done excessively much already. I pick up my stuff and shake my head before leaving for work. My life is pretty boring if you come to think of it.

The traffic in Los Angeles never stops annoying me. I can walk to the Wolfram and Hart within twenty minutes. With the car? It takes me about an hour or even more. I'm not even sure why am I driving instead of walking...

"Morning, Miss Wor." Blah, blah, blah... I think I haven't been in work at time for a month or so, people actually seems surprised. Or I think so. I can't really bother looking up at them. No, it's not supposed to be evil, much, I'm just tired. Wolfram and Hart can do that to a person. I need to find something new, something exciting.

Obviously not today as it seems like have more prophecies to translate than I had in the last month together. I wonder why am I even doing this taking the fact I'm supposed to work here as historian, more than get to translate thing... Work sucks. I should just use work phone for long distance calls. Like call to Europe. Yeah! I doubt that Wolfram and Hart pays its bills anyway...

Past days has been a mess. Seriously. But the crisis is over now, so I can go back to work. I have kinda a lot to catch up with. Prophecies, books, stupid, stinky demons that needs their 'death' to be explained. My work sucks, but I love it anyway. I must love pain. Well, emotional, because I knew about the physical already. Kinky. Anyway, I need to get an assistant. Or just some smart, dorky guy with knowledge of shitload of languishes. I can't be the only one, can I? Please?

Amber's off to do whatever she does when I bring her to Wolfram and Hart. I really sometimes wonder what does she do. Though, my bet? She probably goes to Angel. It's not like he can ask her leave anyway, right? No one says 'no' to Ambs. Except for me. And I think Connor too. But everyone else? They love Amber too much to say 'no' to her... I wonder if she can ask Angel take her to a walk in a park in the middle of day...

Connor. There's another story. He went to the Big Bear Lake with Lily, I'm sure the girl will make sure Connor relaxes a little. God knows he needs to relax. And get laid. The boy is way too stressed and confused, not that anyone can blame him after everything that has happened. Still he's a drama queen and probably enjoys the attention. But that's just my thoughts...

I should probably go and talk with Angel about Connor. I should. Doesn't mean I will. I got over that 'Ooh! Angel!' thing. I have no idea what it was I had used, but... not want repeat that. Ever. I wonder if it's the same that made Angel all love Connor and Lindsey go all '...but look at the bright side of things!' gig. I surely hope so, that would mean they have it wore off too, right? I hope so.

"Here's one more of the Bleh'noa prophecy parts, Miss Wor." Alice says as she walks in it one more stack of papers. God, this sucks! More work? I should just... retire. That sounds fun. I wonder if I can retire at age 23...

"This kinda sucks." I comment after sighing and sitting down. I reach for one of the prophecy parts and my notebook. I really need someone who could help me, how in hell comes I'm the only fucked up enough in Wolfram and Hart that gets this many prophecies to translate? "Alice? Can you see if they can find me some help? Assistant, co-worker, what the fuck ever, kind of help?" I look up at the woman/demon/something hopefully and she smiles to me and nods before leaving. I should fire her. I think she wants to sacrifice me or something... freaky. Anyway, there's always a hope she finds me a new help. Fast.

While she's on it? I should work. God, this sucks!